2015

 by Jon F. Merz

On Death…and Life

I first met Death when I was maybe ten years old.

He showed up when I was delivering newspapers one early sunny morning and found a customer of mine laying face up in a flower bed with a knife jutting out of his chest. It was close to halloween and for a moment, I thought it was someone’s idea of a prop or a prank. But it wasn’t. It was Death.

Cold, unforgiving, brutal, and stark.

Throughout the years, I’ve seen Death an awful lot. There are several distinct occasions in my life when I should have died. And when you come that close to the edge as I have, you tend to develop an odd sort of respect and curiosity for it. I don’t dwell on it, but I certainly am aware of it. In many ways, my own mortal clock hovers about due to the fact that my father passed when he was 48 years old and his father before him at 47. I turn 46 in October and I’d be a lying sack of shit if I claimed that their deaths don’t affect me at all, because they certainly do. Granted, their lifestyles including heavy smoking, which I never took up aside from trying it every now and again with cigars and clove cigarettes (hey, it was the 90s – everything was fucked up then…).

I’ve lost a lot of friends. Brothers. Comrades. People you bleed with, sweat with, cry with, laugh with, and ride with. The kind of close friends that you think you’re gonna rule the world with – or at least kick ass with – and then Death shows up and they’re gone in the blink of an eye.

No doubt my own chronological timeline has factored into why I post as often as I do on Facebook about motivation and living and daring to fully embrace your existence. When you see Death as much as I have, it makes you appreciate everything that much more. Every detail. Every little bit of happiness wrung from a day doing nothing but spending time with your family being goofballs and eating ice cream.

It also makes you keenly aware of how very many people fail to appreciate what they have in front of them. How much people take for granted. How thoughtless they are with their behavior. How little time they take to appreciate a kind turn or a smile or a genuine display of affection. They can’t be bothered. Or they can’t be responsible. Or some other excuse. You’ll hear the phrases like, “I’ll get to it later.” Or “Well, he knows I’m grateful so I don’t have to say thanks,” or any one of a million other terms people use to deflect personal responsibility and keep themselves insulated or protected from showing some sign of emotional vulnerability.

Yeah, you’re out there. Some of you may even be reading this. Who knows? All locked up behind those walls you’ve built thinking you’re being smart when all you’re really doing is depriving yourself of a rich life of experience and wonder. Doesn’t that get old? Don’t you get tired of pretending you’re invincible or immune from pain and hurt? Don’t you wonder what it’s like to really let your spirit soar as high as it can? Or are you truly happy living within the confines of the prison you’ve created for yourself?

You’ll laugh. You’ll blow this off. You’ll insist that you never did anything wrong or ever played a part in some risky gambit. It’s easier, after all, to simply hide in your shell and wait for the storm to pass only to poke your head out afterward and see if the coast is clear.

It’s a cowardly way to live life, though.

So I post things that ask people to examine who they are and then dare to try something different. Maybe I’m hoping that folks will learn from my mistakes.

I spent a lot of my life locked away behind those same walls that I see so many others living behind. I spent a lot of my life convinced that showing vulnerability was akin to being a weakling or a fool or someone that could be taken advantage of. I spent a lot of my life living in fear that I wasn’t man enough according to someone else’s standards of what a man was. I covered that insecurity up by training in martial arts; I covered that insecurity up by entering the military and doing other work that forced me to confront fear on a very primal level. I spent a lot of my youth mostly trying to talk myself into believing that I was a badass. And in many ways, I may have been. I could fight. I could shoot. I could harm people in a whole lot of horrible ways. I knew things that most people don’t even dream about. And that gave me a lot of shell to surround myself with.

But I wasn’t a true badass.

Because it’s only when you have the courage to open yourself up to the world – to show your weaknesses and your vices and your insecurities and the things that make you tick – that you understand what true strength and true character actually is.

Believe me, doing this type of stuff is about as opposite extreme as you can get based on my earlier life. You kept your secrets, you kept everything hidden lest someone be able to use those against you. It’s how I was taught. It’s how I was trained.

But Death…well, Death changes things. Death doesn’t give a shit about your secrets or how macho you look or how many women you’ve slept with or how much money you have. Death is the greatest equal opportunity of all.

Everyone dies.

Not everyone truly lives, however.

This morning, I was eating breakfast and was approached by someone I haven’t seen in a long time. A really nice guy. When I knew him, he weighed about 350 pounds. Today, he stood before me at about half that weight. I wish I could say that he’d taken up working out or dieting or some other good reason for weight loss. The truth is he has cancer. And when he stood before me, I was literally gobsmacked. I barely even recognized him. Only his eyes told me his identity. The rest of him is a shell of the man he once was – loud, boisterous, full of energy, and maybe a bit on the talkative side. But a good man at that.

He’s younger than I am. I won’t elaborate on his prognosis because I don’t believe in broadcasting that type of negative energy out there. I am deeply hopeful he recovers, however, since he has a young daughter of 13 and because he is a good man who deserves a longer life with his loved ones.

The realization that this man has cancer has saddened me more than I expected it too, quite frankly. Perhaps because he’s close to my age. Perhaps because his spirit is one that always brought a smile to my face, even if it came with an annoying amount of talking from time-to-time.

Or maybe it’s because I saw the regret in his eyes this morning. Regrets of what he hasn’t yet done or people he hasn’t yet loved. Regret that he knows his time may be short and there may not be enough left to do everything he suddenly wants to do.

It’s only when you face Death that you realize how little so many bullshit things in life matter. And it’s only then that you see how much strength you have – strength you had all along – but hidden beneath a crushing weight of conforming to societal pressures or rampant insecurities. You realize – often far too late – that your supposed life has been one of near suffocation as you’ve grappled with over-scheduled madness, keeping up with the Joneses, or annoyances that are only just that and not the world-ending drama you’ve made them out to be.

And you regret it.

Death makes you a time traveler. In an instant or over the span of weeks or months, you look back and see where you went wrong. You see the foolish moves you’ve made and you wonder why you chose one path over another. You see the hearts you’ve broken – often without even realizing it – and you see the sadness you’ve wrought as is inevitable in the course of living.

You see the good, too. You see the victories. You see the love realized in the smiles and tears and laughter of those you hold most precious.

You find a measure of yourself. Sometimes, it holds up. Sometimes, it doesn’t.

And when it doesn’t, you regret it.

So I post a lot about life because regret is one of those things that can easily be avoided. And yet so many people run right toward it and it saddens me. I’m not off on some mission to rid the planet of regret (although that would be pretty sweet if we could all make it go away) but more to maybe make people think about how regret is largely self-imposed and how they can avoid it if they choose to.

Seeing my friend today (and probably calling him a friend isn’t appropriate per se, but I’ll do so anyway because it’s my post dammit) made me sad for his family and for him. It made me sad for the people I know who imprison themselves in the rush of everyday life and forget to live. It made me sad that those people will also know the pain of regret if they continue on the path they’re on.

But the future is never set.

And while Death is great at sending you back in time, Life is great at propelling you forward…to all possibilities and potentials.

Stop saying things like, “I shouldn’t.” Or, “I can’t do that.” Or, “What will everyone think?” Stop putting limits on yourself and your life. Embrace risk. Relish in the silliness of getting drunk with friends. Treasure a text or a phone call from a friend. Surprise someone with a hug from behind. Jump on an elevator and say hi to a complete stranger. Compliment someone just because you can. Go into your child’s bedroom and snuggle with them – even if they’re a teenager. Kiss your lover. Never forget to say thank you. And never stop smiling.

Our greatest strength is from not overcoming insurmountable odds. Our greatest strength comes from realizing that we are all – everyone one of us – free to live our lives to the greatest extent we possibly can…once we stop caring what others think. Our paths are our own to walk as individual souls.

We come into this world alone, naked, and afraid. We didn’t have any say in the matter.

How we leave is entirely up to us.

***

This is a long, meandering post. Frankly, I don’t know if it makes all that much sense. But I wrote it and it’s helped me work through some shit, so there’s that at the very least. If you get nothing else from it, remember to be thankful for what you have, the people who are in your life, and the adventures before you. Take a deep breath, say a silent “thank you,” and keep on livin’…

in common sense / goodlivin' / health / life thoughts / martial arts / self protection / ninjutsu / Uncategorized / warriorship / who dares lives 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

Who Do You Care About?

snoopyQuick question: when is the last time you put others before yourself?

If you’re like most people, it may have been a while. You’re busy, your schedule is packed, you’re stressed out, you’re wearing your “resting bitch” face, people wonder what sort of mood you’re in…that sort of stuff. I get it. We’ve all been there. In our frantic rush to get things done, our interpersonal relationships suffer. You leave people in your wake wondering what they may have done to piss you off. Your energy dips ever closer to the “negative” because it’s actually easier to be that way than to stay positive. As you tackle more things that need doing, you sink lower until it seems that everything and everyone is a pain-in-the-ass.

There’s also another reason why we spend less time doing for others: a lack of appreciation and gratitude on the part of the people we do things for. I read something that said if you truly desire to help, then you shouldn’t expect any thanks at all. That’s a nice pie-in-the-sky concept, but I hardly think it’s realistic. Or natural. If I hold the door for someone, there had better be a “thank you” coming out of their mouth or I keep my body exactly where it is (usually barring their path) stare at them and say, “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

We also, as a society, tend to take people for granted. Especially if we’re at ease around those people. If I know that Marge always has a smile on her face and a kind word to say, then I’m less likely to put much thought into how I treat Marge. “She’s always so happy so there’s no need to see how she’s doing.”

This, of course, is terribly wrong. Marge and people like her – especially people who have gone out of their way to help you or to be a good friend or to be someone you can rely on – are actually the people you should be caring for the most. But we seem to be hardwired to spend more time investing ourselves in people who seem down or bitchy or otherwise stricken in some fashion, even though the promise of reward may not even exist. And even if it does, why are we chasing that instead of people who would genuinely appreciate it?

It seems counter-intuitive to want to be involved with people who do nothing for others, who spend their entire lives self-absorbed and without giving a shit about anyone else. And yet, we routinely do it. Meanwhile, people who actually care about us get taken for granted. We grow complacent with them and as a result, our relationships suffer.

Perhaps we feel like there’s no challenge to keeping a good friend and we grow bored. Or lazy. Or both. Perhaps we want to be rewarded with that ever-elusive thin smile we sometimes see break across the face of the person who never seems to care. Maybe it’s even because we feel like we can be the one to “change” that negative person into a happy one.

Whatever the reasons may be, taking some time to look at yourself and your relationships is never a bad idea. How have you acted this week? What’s weighing on your mind and how is that affecting your mood and the people around you? Are you so caught up in your own world that you fail to see that people are losing the desire to be around you? Are you taking people for granted who have always been there for you? Do people who used to hang on your every word now drift away when you’re around? Are you even paying attention to whether things have changed or not?

Because society rewards mediocrity instead of awesome, we’re used to having that level of behavior be deemed “acceptable.” In other words, our thinking sometimes goes like this: “I only have to exert this much effort in this relationship and it will be fine.”

Well, to quote George Carlin, “Hair is fine.” “Fine” is another one of those dull, boring words that fails to excite. And no relationship should ever be “fine.”

There’s also blowback on you when you try to give more and elevate your relationships. A lot of people resent “awesome” because it spotlights their own failings and insecurities and inabilities. Rather than realize that they too can be awesome, they’d rather remain “fine” and live a life of mediocrity. In their head, you being awesome forces them to realize they aren’t and shame on you for reminding them of that fact. Backwards for sure, but that’s what happens.

The point is this: we can continue to be fine and mediocre and live in a society where everyone gets rewarded for showing up instead of putting out 100% OR you can take some time each day or week and reflect on how you treat others, what you can do for others, and where you put your caring. Remind yourself that your mood and your behavior have a direct and often profound effect on your environment, your friends, and even your health. Examine your actions and see who you’ve mistreated or treated less than they deserve. Resolve to reach out and say hello. Send a text. Send a message and say hi.

We can’t simply roll through this world without giving a damn about others. Like it or not, we do actually rely on other people for more than we sometimes realize. Even the most hardened loner still needs people. Remind yourself to treat others better than you have been. Remember that we’re all on this planet together and we all have the ability to affect those around us.

If you do nothing else today, reach out to someone who has been kind to you in the past and say a simple, “thank you.” You might be surprised how good you feel for doing it and how that goodness becomes contagious.

And couldn’t the world use a lot more of that?

in common sense / fitness / general / goodlivin' / health / life thoughts / martial arts / self protection / ninjutsu / Uncategorized / warriorship / who dares lives 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

THE CRUCIBLE is here!

The Crucible Book Cover Hi-ResIt’s been a long time coming…

But the newest Lawson Vampire novel, THE CRUCIBLE, is finally here and EXCLUSIVELY at my new secure website. This is the ONLY place to get the book and you can pay using either a credit card or PayPal.

PLEASE NOTE: The lines where you enter your credit card information (number, expiration date, CC code, etc.) are too small to see what you’re typing, but they DO WORK (I’ve tested them). I’m trying to get that issue sorted right now. Also, once you pay, the CONFIRMATION PAGE will show three file types IN RED that you can download: .mobi for the Kindle, .epub for the Nook and other e-readers, and .pdf for printing or desktop reading.

I hope you all enjoy the latest Lawson adventure! Click on this link to go buy it! https://jonfmerz.net/product/the-crucible-a-lawson-vampire-novel/

Talya’s gone.

Kidnapped by the infamous Xuan Xiang, a former Fixer who has sold out to the Communist Chinese, in a bid to lure Lawson to a final climactic battle where only one Fixer walks away.

But Lawson doesn’t play by the rules. And rather than walk into an ambush, Lawson sets his own plan into motion to rescue the woman he loves. Aided by Jack, the recently-graduated Invoker, they launch their rescue operation, unsanctioned by the Council and thousands of miles from any sort of ally or help.

Deep in western China, Lawson and Jack uncover far more than they expected. And it’s going to take all of their skills combined to ensure their own survival and that of Talya.

Click on this link to go buy it! https://jonfmerz.net/product/the-crucible-a-lawson-vampire-novel/

in authorpreneur / Build a Bestseller / ebooks / fan appreciation / for writers / how I write / lawson / libros electronicos / ninjutsu / novels / promotion & publicity / publishing / THE FIXER TV series / Uncategorized / vampires / website / who dares lives / writing 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

How to Love Yourself (Part 1)

lucille-ball-quotes-1I’ve talked a lot about uncovering faults, vices, and problems within ourselves. Self-critique is indeed a vital skill if you hope to elevate yourself and evolve as a human being.

But what if you don’t have any problems with finding faults in yourself? What if you’re coming at this from the opposite extreme – where it’s nearly impossible for you to find anything good about yourself to celebrate? What if you have a real problem seeing yourself as a wonderful human being worthy of being more than you are right now?

First, you have to understand something about energy. Specifically, the difference between positive energy and negative energy. Negative energy is infinitely easier to generate within ourselves. It takes very little effort to demean, criticize, insult, or bring ourselves down. This happens externally as well. Had a bad experience at a restaurant? I guarantee you that more people will spread that news than will the news that you just had a great experience at another shop. This is also why most newscasts lead with bad stories first: negative energy is powerful and plays on all of our primal receptors of fear and insecurity.

Positive energy conversely, is much tougher to generate unless you work very hard at doing so. It’s also much tougher to maintain positive momentum than negative. In some respects, positive energy could be seen as trying to push a heavy boulder up a huge mountain, whereas negative energy is like rolling a stone down that same mountain.

If you are someone who has no trouble finding faults within yourself, then this post is about how you uncover the good and how to love yourself and your virtues. Because what good is elevating yourself if you don’t even love who you are at the start?

Bear in mind, this isn’t easy work. Self-improvement never is. And some of the suggestions that follow will make you snort derisively, shudder, and shake your head at the discomfort they will no doubt generate.

Do them anyway.

If you’ve lived your life without self-esteem or ever giving yourself a pat on the back, then you owe it to yourself to do these things to better your life. No one should have to go through this life beating themselves up constantly. You are worth more than that; you are someone worth giving a damn about.

So let’s go…

1. Take a shower.

What? Easy day, right? Good, I’m glad you think so. Take the shower. Turn off the water. Dry off using your favorite Downy-soft towel, put some moisturizer on real quick. Then hang your towel up or throw it in the hamper.

Are you naked? Good.

2. Look at yourself in the mirror

Stand in front of a mirror, preferably a full-length one. Just stand there. Now pay attention to what you do next. Where does your mind go? What sort of internal dialogue starts up?

If you have problems with self-esteem, I’m almost going to guarantee that you started critiquing your body in some way. Thoughts like this, “My hips are too wide. My bald spot is growing. God, look at the crows feet around my eyes.”

So now you’re ready to start, because steps 1 & 2 aren’t really steps at all. They were just to prime you for what happens next.

3. Shut off your internal voice.

Your goal is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror without immediately launching into a mental beat-down of your body. This will be hard – for some it will seem nearly impossible – but it is critical that you accomplish this. Start out small; the greatest victories come from small, steady advances rather than giant unsupported leaps forward.

Your first goal is ten seconds.

Every single time you step out of the shower, stand in front of that mirror and do not berate yourself. If your internal voice cranks up, simply count your breaths as you stand there. Inhale, exhale, and say “One.” Continue up to ten and then start back at one. This is a form of simple meditation, but by focusing on your breathing instead of the thoughts that scamper about your head, you are achieving both the goal of being able to look at yourself without self-loathing and you are starting to reign in your inner voice – another important skill.

Once you can do this for ten seconds, your next goal is 30 seconds. Use the same procedure as above if you reach ten seconds and then your voice starts barking at you. Remember to take it slow and steady. If 30 seconds seems unattainable, scale it back to twenty seconds for a week or so.

The importance here is on continuity and achievability. Excellence isn’t simply discovered; it’s a repeatable process that you use again and again to elevate yourself. The same thing applies here. Do this every single day without fail. Do it in the morning or do it before bed. But do it. Reach ten seconds. Then twenty. Or thirty.

Then shoot for a single minute.

At some point, this will become hard. Like, really hard. In fact, it may be the toughest thing you’ve ever really done. You may think it’s impossible to look at your own body without hating every inch of it; that it’s silly to love something that you despise so much; or even that it’s stupid to even try this because you already know you’re going to fail at it.

I’m not asking you to suddenly overnight fall in love with your body. I’m simply asking you to stop critiquing it for a certain amount of time. Remember: slow and steady, gradual increments is what we are after. Change isn’t something that you simply flick a switch and do (although some people can actually do that. My late father quit cigarettes cold turkey after his first heart attack, so it *is* possible…). Think of it instead as small steps that will eventually produce lasting change.

And lasting change is what we want.

The self-help industry is full of books and seminars and courses and gurus who will sell you all sorts of expensive gimmicks and complex steps to hopefully uncover self-love. And maybe some of that works. But I’ve always believed that the simplest stuff works best. No bullshit.

I suffered from massive insecurity when I was younger. I had no clue what self-esteem was. I’ve had body issues for a great part of my life. But when I started studying martial arts – Ninjutsu in particular – and moving on to the higher lessons that that study entails, it became absolutely vital that I learn how to love myself. You can’t hope to touch higher levels of self if you are still mired in insecurity and a lack of self-esteem. So I started doing exactly what I’ve written above.

Stand naked in front of mirror without finding fault with my body.

That’s it.

Don’t do anything else yet. Don’t mask your critiques by trying to pump yourself up with praise. Don’t do anything other than simply stand naked in front of a mirror without critiquing your body for one single minute.

One thing.

And it works.

Not overnight. Not in a week or two. But gradually, the more you force yourself to do this, the easier it will get.

Start here and the rest will follow. I’ll be back in a few weeks with the next steps you can take to truly love who you are.

Best of luck. Never Quit.

Who Dares Lives.

in common sense / crossfit / fitness / general / goodlivin' / goruck / health / life thoughts / martial arts / self protection / ninjutsu / Uncategorized / warriorship / who dares lives 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

How I Deal With Fear

scared

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A lot has been said about living without fear or having no fear at all. But these ideas miss a key point: how do you actually deal with fear when it arises in your life?

I spent the majority of my youth living in fear of one sort or another. Not that I was an abused child or anything – far from it – but my life was full of fear regardless. Much of it might seem trivial now, and certainly looking back on it with the eyes of a 45 year old man, I might even shake my head at some of it. But at the time, the things that caused me fear seemed to occupy my life fully and without regard for anything else.

Early on, my very first nightmare that I can remember was of the Count from Sesame Street. From there on, vampires scared the living shit out of me. Seriously. When PBS broadcast the 1976(?) BBC production of Dracula, I saw part of it one night with my dad and was so freaking scared that I slept on the floor surrounded by crosses that my dad made out of two drinking straws. I was convinced that the bloodsuckers would come for me.

When I wasn’t busy living in fear of the undead, I was terrified that I would throw up from some stomach sickness. I hated puking and one of the things I dreaded most was the thought of getting a stomach bug. Regular flu? Awesome. As long as I didn’t vomit, I was cool with it.

And then there were the bullies in my life. From the lumbering ox who lived up the street from me to the jackass at school, I spent my first fifteen years living in perpetual fear that I would get punched out. And never having been actually punched, I always imagined it would be similar to nuclear armageddon.

So yeah, me and fear? We were close.

Too close.

Around about my 15th year alive on this planet, I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of living scared. It was keeping me from enjoying my life and I had plans and goals to accomplish. I had to come up with a way to handle fear.

With the school bully still an ubiquitous threat, I started studying martial arts. Nothing formal at first, just messing around with some friends who had the same interest. But we sparred and learned some shit and thought we were badasses and put on a show at school one snowy night when I had a fever of about 103 degrees and still went on to do a sword demonstration anyway (which taught me a lot about getting shit done regardless of suffering) and basically enjoyed a bit of a power trip. From there, my study of martial arts became much more extensive, eventually bringing me to Japan in February 2003 to earn my 5th degree black belt in Bujinkan Ninjutsu direct from the 34th grandmaster himself.

But back on my first night at my teacher’s Ninjutsu dojo, I saw people being thrown and rolling around in ways that terrified me. How in the world was I ever going to learn how to do that? I’d never even really somersaulted before in my life. And here they were doing front rolls, back rolls, side rolls, dive rolls, and more.

Fear gripped me and gripped me hard.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do: I faced the fear head on. From that day on, I went out into the woods by myself and practiced throwing myself around, hitting the soft pine-needled ground in the Arnold Arboretum time after time after time after time – again and again and again – until the grip of fear around me loosened and I began to relax. My ukemi (as it’s known in Japanese) became second nature. I moved out of the soft forest floor and on to concrete, repeating the same process. Over and over, on different surfaces, on hills, over rocks and branches, over cars, over obstacles, over bodies. If it made me nervous, I did it.

And eventually, my ukemi got pretty damned good.

And I stopped fearing the idea of rolling or vaulting or otherwise hitting the ground. I’d been thrown in so many different and dangerous fashions over the years, and my body was so well attuned to knowing how to relax and absorb the impact, that I simply stopped being afraid of it.

Which, naturally, is when the universe stepped in and decided I needed some humbling…

At my CrossFit box, one of my coaches started a gymnastics class. And one of the things he’s covering is handstands. As part of the training, you need to know how to forward roll out of a handstand in case you need to bail.

Easy day, right? After all, ol’ Jon here has rolling down pat. No sweat. Got this.

Not quite.

You see, there’s a big difference between what I learned in terms of real world rolling and what a gymnastics front roll is. Specifically, my martial arts rolling involves more of a diagonal front roll, taking place from the shoulder obliquely across to the opposite hip. This is how you roll on the ground, concrete, etcetera in order to avoid damaging your spine.

In gymnastics, however, that forward roll starts at the base of your skull, and then travels down along the spinal cord. Provided you tuck your chin into your chest, everything should be well and good. And in theory, this should be a piece of cake for me.

But it’s not.

Not only am I used to rolling differently, I’m also used to having throws and such be fast. I’m inverted for maybe a second before I recover and get back up on my feet. In gymnastics, however, I’m working on getting inverted and staying inverted for a longer period of time. My arms are also extended and locked out to support my body. In order to forward roll, I have to first bend them, descend, and then enter the roll itself.

And I’m scared again.

So, like every other time I’ve been afraid of something in my life, I run toward the fear and meet it head-on. I’ll be forcing myself to go in and work on bailing from a handstand until it becomes second-nature to me and the fear loses its grip. It won’t be easy – this sort of work never is – but the rewards are worth it.

Fear is obviously necessary in our lives. It protects us to a certain extent, but it can also hinder us. And allowing yourself to be hindered by fear could be deadly.

I was the junior man one time a long while back and as we were traveling single file at night in an urban environment. I’d wound up at the back with our point man being very experienced and the seniormost guy in the middle. If threats had presented themselves to the front of our formation, the point man could have easily handled them. I felt pretty safe at the back. But we soon realized that the area we were in wasn’t where we thought and we had to retrace our steps. Instead of letting the point man move back and re-assume his position, we simply turned around. Now I was on point. And instead of feeling relatively safe, I was the one who would have to handle the threats as they presented themselves. Fear was there, but I had no choice but to move ahead presumably toward the danger.

And that’s how I’ve always operated: when fear comes at you, meet it head-on. Whether it’s fear of a roller coaster or something far worse, never let fear immobilize you. Keep moving. Always.

I was scared of bullies punching me until I faced my fear and learned that getting punched isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. Anytime something looks uncomfortable or painful or terrifying, my instinct is to always move toward it, meet it head-on, and conquer it or otherwise remove whatever power it holds over me.

Fear is a constant in our day-to-day living. Physical, mental, and spiritual roadblocks spring up because we’re afraid of doing this or that. How much fear is there in your life? What scares you? What immobilizes you? What stops you from meeting it head-on? And imagine if you did meet it head-on.

Eleanor Roosevelt said to “do one thing every day that scares you.” I happen to agree. Only by meeting fear head-on do we learn how to mitigate it and lessen its impact in our lives. Only by meeting my fears head-on have I overcome them in my life. Whether it was forcing myself to stay overnight in a cemetery to overcome the fear of vampires (okay, I know a trip to Dracula’s castle in Transylvania would have probably been better, but I had budgetary problems, lol), subjecting myself to getting sprayed with pepper spray, throwing myself all over the woods to get better at rolling, moving through an ambush on the streets of Chinatown, or going in today to practice bailing out of a handstand, the process is the same: meet your fears head-on. Get up close and personal with them. Subject yourself to the discomfort and terror of that which seeks to control you and then do it until you aren’t uncomfortable any longer.

This isn’t living with “no fear” or any of the other silly catchphrases self-help gurus use. It’s simply living in such a way that fear doesn’t control you.

In spite of fear, you still accomplish everything you want.

Who Dares Lives.

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