The Only Time The Answer is a Definite “No”

It amazes me how many people want something and yet never do the easiest thing in the world before deciding that they’ll never get the thing they desire.

What is it that they fail to do?

Ask for it.

Asking is, at its core, a risk. You’re putting something out there – a desire – in the hopes that the person who has the power to make your wish come true, agrees to grant it. You are exposing yourself and the want that you have in front of others.

The problem is our society does not reward risk. It rewards safe, acceptable behavior. So for a lot of people, the idea of asking for something they want is alien to them. They’ve been programmed by our culture, by parents, by authority figures in our lives to save themselves the effort of asking, because, you know, “the answer’s probably going to be no.”

In fact, the ONLY time the answer is a DEFINITE “no,” is when you fail to ask for it. Then it is absolutely 100% of the time a “no.”

Asking for something guarantees you the possibility – even if it is slight – that you may actually get what you’re asking for. Yet again, most people would rather have a concrete NO than the slimmest chance of a YES. Why? Because the slimmest chance means there’s hope. And hope sometimes leads to disappointment if the answer does turn out to be no. Usually, what follows is an internal beatdown. “I knew it was going to be no. I don’t know why I even bothered asking. I should have just stayed quiet and not wasted my time.”

But think about how many times in your life you’ve already taken a risk and asked for something that DID end well.

Have you ever had a relationship? At some point, you had to ask for something. A phone number. A date. A kiss. A sweaty roll in the hay.

What about in your job? Did you ever ask for a raise? A promotion?

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is ask for things. Ask for help. Ask for solutions. Ask for something you want.

When you were a kid, inevitably you probably asked for a cookie at some point. Many times, the answer was no. “You’ll ruin your appetite for dinner. You just had one. You don’t need another one.” But every once in awhile, you got that cookie. And the number of times you got told no didn’t necessarily impact you enough to stop asking for the cookie. Because you knew that if you asked, there was a chance mom or dad would say yes.

As you grow, that hope diminishes in many people. We start to see how the world works. We see people in power as the incredible figures who would never deign to bequeath some request upon those far below them. Our perspective of ourselves either grows or shrinks depending on how we process risk and reward, and whether we have a higher tolerance for risk and taking chances. Those who seek security and stability – whether inherent within their nature or programmed by parents – are less likely to ask for the things they want. Conversely, those who are more comfortable with risk are far more likely to ask for what they want.

And here’s the thing: the more you ask for things, the better the odds are that you will get what you want. Behavior, after all, begets itself. Ask for one thing every single day and eventually, asking for anything becomes easier. But the opposite is also true: shy away from asking and it gets harder to do that until you simply cease and become accepting of whatever crumbs you can scavenge.

No thanks.

Don’t be a scavenger. Be an active risk-taker.

Ask for what you want. You may not always get it.

But you just might.

And a maybe is always better than a definite no. At least in my book!