Pro-2nd Amendment & Pr-Gun Control Are NOT Contradictory

Two mass shootings in less than 24 hours. ..

According to Trump since 2016, the source of danger has been illegal immigrants. According to Trump, this danger necessitates a wall to protect us.

Yet, since 2016 (and before that) the single greatest threat, factually, has come from white men – actual domestic terrorists.

Not illegal immigrants; not Muslim extremists; not radicalized Hare Krishnas, not any minority group at all.

White men are the number one perpetrator of mass shooting terrorist incidents in this nation.

That’s it. That is fact. It’s undeniable and it is irrefutable.

So what needs to happen?

Well, using Trumpian “logic” (Jesus, there’s an oxymoron if ever there was one) we should be building walls around white enclaves to protect ourselves. After all, these white men are coming out with guns and they’re killing our people. So it makes sense, right? We’ve got that stats to back this up.

Except that is utterly stupid.

Which is why the argument for a border wall is bullshit.

“But Jon, that’s not the same thing!”

Really? Because, frankly, at this point, I’d rather have walls around states that have a large percentage of Trump supporters than I would at the border where we’ve been treating asylum seekers like Jews in concentration camps because statistically, those states are more of a threat than a woman and her kids fleeing gang violence in Guatemala.

Don’t like the logic? Tough shit. The facts bear it out. Unlike this bullshit argument about an MS-13 caravan concocted (once again) to scare dumbass white people who can’t be bothered to use their fucking brains to see if they’re being willfully manipulated.

Moving on: the two mass shootings yesterday happened in states where gun ownership is a pretty simple process. The first terrorist opened up at a Wal-Mart in Texas.

AT A FUCKING WAL-MART IN TEXAS.

I’m gonna stereotype the fuck out of this, but are you kidding me? No one had a gun out of that entire store? There wasn’t a single “good guy with a gun” anywhere by a Wal-Mart in Texas?

I highly fucking doubt it. In fact, I’d bet there were a good number of good ol’ boys with American flags festooning their pick-up trucks parked there. And I’ll bet at least one of them had a firearm.

But there’s a big difference between talking high and mighty about the “good guy with a gun” and actually being willing and able to take action when the situation demands it. And the fact is, when most people hear gunfire, they want to curl up into the smallest ball imaginable and hide. That’s not necessarily cowardice; it’s human nature. Still others will only focus on saving themselves and family rather than confront the threat.

Which is why the “good guy with a gun” argument is bullshit, too.

Now, I have plenty of friends – plenty of folks who I know *would* engage a terrorist; and they have both the tools and experience to do so. They also have the willingness. But people like that are few and far between and the simple fact is the chances of someone like that being around at a terrorist incident are slim.

Which is why the “we need more people armed” argument is bullshit.

Moving on…

“But if we enact more gun control, the criminals will still have guns.”

Yup. They will. But you know what? Those criminals aren’t committing terrorist acts. They’re not out shooting up schools, or temples, or churches, or malls, or bars, or health clinics. They’re also, by and large, not committing waves of home invasions, or taking hostages, or committing any of the atrocities that terrorists who “legally” possess a gun commit.

And let’s look at it this way: you might be a gun owner. You might fervently believe (as I do) in the right to own firearms. But take a step back and compare gun ownership to, let’s say…car ownership.

In order to be a licensed driver, you have to go through training. Then you take a test. You need insurance.

And yet, if I asked you to honestly respond, I’d be willing to bet you’d probably agree that most people these days drive like shit. Basic procedures they should have learned in driving school are not followed. They can’t figure out a rotary; they don’t use turn signals; they’re distracted; they can’t even figure out a 4-way stop intersection.

You might be a great driver; you might obey all the rules. But 99% of everyone else on the road doesn’t. And a vast majority of that 99% suck donkey nards at driving.

And let’s be honest: a car is two tons of lethality operating at speed. As I tell my boys: it’s the other people on the road they have to be careful of.

See the parallels here? You might be the most responsible gun owner in the world. But most gun owners aren’t. And most gun owners are like most drivers: they’re lazy and become distracted and forget to lock things up or take steps to ensure the wrong people (like, say, a young mentally challenged kid) don’t get access to their guns.

So if most drivers suck at driving – yet we mandate MORE requirements for owning and operating a car, why don’t we do the same for gun ownership?

I can’t tell you how many times I say, “That person should not be behind the wheel,” on a daily basis. And again, if I asked people to honestly respond, most of the gun owners I know would probably say, “that person should not own a firearm.”

So the argument that more gun control is going to hurt law-abiding gun owners is bullshit.

And frankly, if – after all of the mass shootings – you DON’T think we need changes to gun ownership laws, then bro – you are 100% part of the problem.

Don’t like what I just said? Tough titties. It’s the truth. No SANE, rational, objective person is going to look at the current situation and think that things are fine as they are.

Because they fucking are not.

I don’t want most of the people I see driving to be behind the wheel; I also don’t want most of the people with guns in this country having them.

For the same fucking reasons!

Humans are inherently lazy, undisciplined creatures. So are most living things. We take the paths of least resistance; we aspire to retire and do nothing; we can’t stick to diets; we can’t be bothered to vote; etc. ad infinitum.

NONE OF THAT CHANGES JUST BECAUSE YOU OWN A GUN.

Say that last part again.

If you are not one of the few self-motivated, self-disciplined individuals that allows those traits to carry over to all other areas of your life, me giving you a gun is NOT going to suddenly change that. You will not magically become self-disciplined and self-motivated. You will simply be yet another lazy person who happens to own a gun. And a car.

Neither of which you should have access to.

I’m all for responsible gun ownership; I’m also all for responsible car ownership.

But responsible is a long fucking way away from just being able to own the damned things.

I don’t see gun control as a threat. I’m not some silly insecure freak who thinks the big bad guv’mint is coming for my guns. I appreciate the need – the DESPERATE need – for more controls on who exactly we give permission to own a firearm to.

That’s not me being a libtard or a leftist or whatever dumbass label you apply to anyone pro-gun control.

That’s being rational. And objective. And humane.

Don’t like any of this? That’s cool. But at least have the guts to admit that your dislike of these points does, in fact, make you part of the problems currently affecting and infecting this nation.

I’m a pro-2A, pro-gun control human being. And I don’t see that as contradictory at all.

I see it as intelligent.

We need changes; we need to stop the proliferation of firearms being used by white nationalist terrorists.

Full. Fucking. Stop

Recognizing Your Greatness

For anyone who needs it:

Every time you face a challenge instead of running from it; every time you dance in the crucible instead of sticking to the wall; every time you stare down life and say, “is that all you’ve got?” instead of bemoaning another perceived injustice…is reason to celebrate your warrior spirit. Don’t forget to look in the mirror and smile and give yourself props for not faltering in the face of adversity. There’s no shame in recognizing your own awesomeness.

The Company You Keep: How The Wrong Community Can Hinder Your Success

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

We’ve all seen this one before, right? It’s a popular meme that makes the rounds on the Internet from time to time, usually in the company of another popular term “community.” Community is a constantly touted ideal that promises to help you reach success or feel a sense of companionship or simply feel some level of support for whatever it is you’re going through. Whether it’s fitness: “I do Maxfit and I just love the community of other people who do the workouts with me,” or hobbies, “Did you know that the People Who Write Sumerian Love Sonnets Community now boasts a global membership of 7?” or even our health, “I’m a member of the Ruptured Toe Nail Survivors,” saying we’re a part of a community not only makes us feel better, but also validates us in some powerful ways. When we do things that others do, it reinforces this notion that we’re on the right track. If others are doing it, then there’s approval built in – we find strength in numbers, camaraderie in shared experience, and positive feedback from those within the community we’re a part of.  Community – if the hype is to be believed – is the surest path to all the success and happiness we could ever hope to achieve.

Except it’s not.

I’ve been part of a number of communities over the years. And I’ve seen the difference between “real” communities and the ones that claim to be, but in fact are not. Let’s look at the reason why and then examine why community is often just another marketing ploy.

The biggest difference has to do with how you become a member of a particular community.

In the military, for example, elite special operations units are not open to everyone. There is an intense selection process that candidates must go through where they endure harsh training, serious adversity, and more as they attempt to prove their competency and ability to be part of the special operations community. Selection is a lengthy process where lesser candidates, for one reason or another, are weeded out until only the most suitable are left and selected to join whichever unit they aspire to be part of. Along the way, they have shed gallons of sweat, tears, and often blood to prove their worth. And when they join their particular unit, they are in the company of others who have gone through an almost identical baptismal process. In other words, the company they keep has undergone exactly what they went through. There’s an inherent understanding and bond created in Selection that all members of that particular community share.

I saw this same process when I was aspiring to earn my place in the advanced class at the Ninjutsu dojo I attend. The Friday night advanced training was only open to practitioners of a certain rank and in order to gain entrance, you had to undergo a severe test of endurance, mental fortitude, and physical techniques. In many ways, it was a virtual gauntlet. When you earned your place in the advanced class, you were in the company of others who had been tested in the same crucible. And there is nothing like shared misery to create a true bond.

Contrast this with how most people gain acceptance into a community these days. Let’s take the fitness world as a model. A current popular high intensity interval training (HIIT) fitness craze touts its “community” as one of the most appealing features. The marketing behind it espouses working out with likeminded individuals who help cheer you on to reach your goals and success. Well, I was part of that craze and saw firsthand why their notion of community is mostly a fallacy. The primary reason is that anyone can join it if you have the money to do so.

Buying your way into a community immediately discounts its efficacy at generating success. Primarily because if anyone can join the community, then you are not going to be surrounded by people who operate at the same level you do – they may not “want it” as badly as you do. Worse, your aspirations may cause some other members to resent you.

When I joined the new gym in town, it was wonderful…for a certain period of time. Then, when the novelty wore off and a certain caliber of people started attending, the standards fell into the realm of mediocrity. Workouts became less grueling because people complained that they were too hard (despite the fact that anyone could scale the workouts to suit their individual fitness levels). Exercise standards were revised to accommodate whiny members who couldn’t do basic movements. And a whole new group of toxic personalities started infecting the place. Gradually, anyone who aspired to be better was generally seen as a threat by the growing majority of people who were content with “good enough,” and cheating their way through a workout.

If you are intent on being successful (as opposed to just seeking support, fun, and/or some companionship), joining a community where anyone can be a member is not where you want to be. In fact, being part of such a place can work directly against your stated goals. There will undoubtedly be people there who are intimidated by your drive, or who subtly try to sabotage your success with side-eye comments like, “why would you do that? You’re crazy.” These are usually the people who complain about silly stuff and say dumb things like, “well this is as good as it’s going to get.”

Success is hard enough to achieve without being hated for your aspirations and individuality, envied for your successes to-date, or sabotaged by those who revel in watching your downfall. The notion of community is a dangerous one if you aren’t on your guard for the mediocre masses who inhabit communities that do not have gate keepers built into their model. While it’s a wonderful thing to be all-inclusive, that same model runs counter to being able to achieve all the success you aspire to.

The term “community” has also become a marketing tool (at least in certain fields) used to drive new recruits into the fold. And communities reinforce this notion of people needing a support system because it’s in their own best interests to do so; it furthers that community’s very existence. In effect, they need you more than you need them. As an established member or someone advanced within their ranks, the community can point to you as proof of its own efficacy at producing success.

Another inherent danger of community is rampant group-think. Any community will have a set of standards – vocalized, implied, written down, or not – that members are expected to follow. You may not have given it much thought, you may not even have noticed it much, but they are there. You’ll start to notice if you do anything that runs counter to the majority group-think. In this way, communities have the potential to become excessively cult-like, complete with idol worship, gossip, and a whole series of toxic aspects that can seriously damage your quest for greatness. Of course, members of the community will deny such things until they’re red in the face, but that’s only because they’re too close to see the truth.

And the truth is that a community without gate keepers can produce some measure of success. But it will eventually hinder your progress – especially if it’s populated by people who actually do not want the best for you but are instead wishing for your failure because that is a reinforcement of their own self-imposed limitations. “See? I told you it was crazy to do that.”  In that case, a community that seemed so wonderful, ends up being a virtual prison. Worse, the toxicity will harm your body, mind, and spirit resulting in a failure to achieve your goals and a tendency to question yourself and your motivation – exactly the antithesis of success.

Unless your community has exacting standards and all members are of a similar mindset, your quest for success and excellence will falter. You’ll be better off on your own than you would be in the company of lesser individuals not as focused as yourself. Beware of “communities” that boast they’re the backbone of a movement or location. Outside of the military (and some others with exacting standards imposed prior to admission), the chances of you finding a true success-oriented community of like-minded alphas all on the same trajectory toward greatness are slim. More likely, you may find a few members of that caliber, but they will be greatly outnumbered by those members who have adopted mediocrity, rather than excellence, as the acceptable outcome of their endeavors.

And you are, most definitely, better off without them in your life.

On Death…and Life

I first met Death when I was maybe ten years old.

He showed up when I was delivering newspapers one early sunny morning and found a customer of mine laying face up in a flower bed with a knife jutting out of his chest. It was close to halloween and for a moment, I thought it was someone’s idea of a prop or a prank. But it wasn’t. It was Death.

Cold, unforgiving, brutal, and stark.

Throughout the years, I’ve seen Death an awful lot. There are several distinct occasions in my life when I should have died. And when you come that close to the edge as I have, you tend to develop an odd sort of respect and curiosity for it. I don’t dwell on it, but I certainly am aware of it. In many ways, my own mortal clock hovers about due to the fact that my father passed when he was 48 years old and his father before him at 47. I turn 46 in October and I’d be a lying sack of shit if I claimed that their deaths don’t affect me at all, because they certainly do. Granted, their lifestyles including heavy smoking, which I never took up aside from trying it every now and again with cigars and clove cigarettes (hey, it was the 90s – everything was fucked up then…).

I’ve lost a lot of friends. Brothers. Comrades. People you bleed with, sweat with, cry with, laugh with, and ride with. The kind of close friends that you think you’re gonna rule the world with – or at least kick ass with – and then Death shows up and they’re gone in the blink of an eye.

No doubt my own chronological timeline has factored into why I post as often as I do on Facebook about motivation and living and daring to fully embrace your existence. When you see Death as much as I have, it makes you appreciate everything that much more. Every detail. Every little bit of happiness wrung from a day doing nothing but spending time with your family being goofballs and eating ice cream.

It also makes you keenly aware of how very many people fail to appreciate what they have in front of them. How much people take for granted. How thoughtless they are with their behavior. How little time they take to appreciate a kind turn or a smile or a genuine display of affection. They can’t be bothered. Or they can’t be responsible. Or some other excuse. You’ll hear the phrases like, “I’ll get to it later.” Or “Well, he knows I’m grateful so I don’t have to say thanks,” or any one of a million other terms people use to deflect personal responsibility and keep themselves insulated or protected from showing some sign of emotional vulnerability.

Yeah, you’re out there. Some of you may even be reading this. Who knows? All locked up behind those walls you’ve built thinking you’re being smart when all you’re really doing is depriving yourself of a rich life of experience and wonder. Doesn’t that get old? Don’t you get tired of pretending you’re invincible or immune from pain and hurt? Don’t you wonder what it’s like to really let your spirit soar as high as it can? Or are you truly happy living within the confines of the prison you’ve created for yourself?

You’ll laugh. You’ll blow this off. You’ll insist that you never did anything wrong or ever played a part in some risky gambit. It’s easier, after all, to simply hide in your shell and wait for the storm to pass only to poke your head out afterward and see if the coast is clear.

It’s a cowardly way to live life, though.

So I post things that ask people to examine who they are and then dare to try something different. Maybe I’m hoping that folks will learn from my mistakes.

I spent a lot of my life locked away behind those same walls that I see so many others living behind. I spent a lot of my life convinced that showing vulnerability was akin to being a weakling or a fool or someone that could be taken advantage of. I spent a lot of my life living in fear that I wasn’t man enough according to someone else’s standards of what a man was. I covered that insecurity up by training in martial arts; I covered that insecurity up by entering the military and doing other work that forced me to confront fear on a very primal level. I spent a lot of my youth mostly trying to talk myself into believing that I was a badass. And in many ways, I may have been. I could fight. I could shoot. I could harm people in a whole lot of horrible ways. I knew things that most people don’t even dream about. And that gave me a lot of shell to surround myself with.

But I wasn’t a true badass.

Because it’s only when you have the courage to open yourself up to the world – to show your weaknesses and your vices and your insecurities and the things that make you tick – that you understand what true strength and true character actually is.

Believe me, doing this type of stuff is about as opposite extreme as you can get based on my earlier life. You kept your secrets, you kept everything hidden lest someone be able to use those against you. It’s how I was taught. It’s how I was trained.

But Death…well, Death changes things. Death doesn’t give a shit about your secrets or how macho you look or how many women you’ve slept with or how much money you have. Death is the greatest equal opportunity of all.

Everyone dies.

Not everyone truly lives, however.

This morning, I was eating breakfast and was approached by someone I haven’t seen in a long time. A really nice guy. When I knew him, he weighed about 350 pounds. Today, he stood before me at about half that weight. I wish I could say that he’d taken up working out or dieting or some other good reason for weight loss. The truth is he has cancer. And when he stood before me, I was literally gobsmacked. I barely even recognized him. Only his eyes told me his identity. The rest of him is a shell of the man he once was – loud, boisterous, full of energy, and maybe a bit on the talkative side. But a good man at that.

He’s younger than I am. I won’t elaborate on his prognosis because I don’t believe in broadcasting that type of negative energy out there. I am deeply hopeful he recovers, however, since he has a young daughter of 13 and because he is a good man who deserves a longer life with his loved ones.

The realization that this man has cancer has saddened me more than I expected it too, quite frankly. Perhaps because he’s close to my age. Perhaps because his spirit is one that always brought a smile to my face, even if it came with an annoying amount of talking from time-to-time.

Or maybe it’s because I saw the regret in his eyes this morning. Regrets of what he hasn’t yet done or people he hasn’t yet loved. Regret that he knows his time may be short and there may not be enough left to do everything he suddenly wants to do.

It’s only when you face Death that you realize how little so many bullshit things in life matter. And it’s only then that you see how much strength you have – strength you had all along – but hidden beneath a crushing weight of conforming to societal pressures or rampant insecurities. You realize – often far too late – that your supposed life has been one of near suffocation as you’ve grappled with over-scheduled madness, keeping up with the Joneses, or annoyances that are only just that and not the world-ending drama you’ve made them out to be.

And you regret it.

Death makes you a time traveler. In an instant or over the span of weeks or months, you look back and see where you went wrong. You see the foolish moves you’ve made and you wonder why you chose one path over another. You see the hearts you’ve broken – often without even realizing it – and you see the sadness you’ve wrought as is inevitable in the course of living.

You see the good, too. You see the victories. You see the love realized in the smiles and tears and laughter of those you hold most precious.

You find a measure of yourself. Sometimes, it holds up. Sometimes, it doesn’t.

And when it doesn’t, you regret it.

So I post a lot about life because regret is one of those things that can easily be avoided. And yet so many people run right toward it and it saddens me. I’m not off on some mission to rid the planet of regret (although that would be pretty sweet if we could all make it go away) but more to maybe make people think about how regret is largely self-imposed and how they can avoid it if they choose to.

Seeing my friend today (and probably calling him a friend isn’t appropriate per se, but I’ll do so anyway because it’s my post dammit) made me sad for his family and for him. It made me sad for the people I know who imprison themselves in the rush of everyday life and forget to live. It made me sad that those people will also know the pain of regret if they continue on the path they’re on.

But the future is never set.

And while Death is great at sending you back in time, Life is great at propelling you forward…to all possibilities and potentials.

Stop saying things like, “I shouldn’t.” Or, “I can’t do that.” Or, “What will everyone think?” Stop putting limits on yourself and your life. Embrace risk. Relish in the silliness of getting drunk with friends. Treasure a text or a phone call from a friend. Surprise someone with a hug from behind. Jump on an elevator and say hi to a complete stranger. Compliment someone just because you can. Go into your child’s bedroom and snuggle with them – even if they’re a teenager. Kiss your lover. Never forget to say thank you. And never stop smiling.

Our greatest strength is from not overcoming insurmountable odds. Our greatest strength comes from realizing that we are all – everyone one of us – free to live our lives to the greatest extent we possibly can…once we stop caring what others think. Our paths are our own to walk as individual souls.

We come into this world alone, naked, and afraid. We didn’t have any say in the matter.

How we leave is entirely up to us.

***

This is a long, meandering post. Frankly, I don’t know if it makes all that much sense. But I wrote it and it’s helped me work through some shit, so there’s that at the very least. If you get nothing else from it, remember to be thankful for what you have, the people who are in your life, and the adventures before you. Take a deep breath, say a silent “thank you,” and keep on livin’…

Who Do You Care About?

snoopyQuick question: when is the last time you put others before yourself?

If you’re like most people, it may have been a while. You’re busy, your schedule is packed, you’re stressed out, you’re wearing your “resting bitch” face, people wonder what sort of mood you’re in…that sort of stuff. I get it. We’ve all been there. In our frantic rush to get things done, our interpersonal relationships suffer. You leave people in your wake wondering what they may have done to piss you off. Your energy dips ever closer to the “negative” because it’s actually easier to be that way than to stay positive. As you tackle more things that need doing, you sink lower until it seems that everything and everyone is a pain-in-the-ass.

There’s also another reason why we spend less time doing for others: a lack of appreciation and gratitude on the part of the people we do things for. I read something that said if you truly desire to help, then you shouldn’t expect any thanks at all. That’s a nice pie-in-the-sky concept, but I hardly think it’s realistic. Or natural. If I hold the door for someone, there had better be a “thank you” coming out of their mouth or I keep my body exactly where it is (usually barring their path) stare at them and say, “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

We also, as a society, tend to take people for granted. Especially if we’re at ease around those people. If I know that Marge always has a smile on her face and a kind word to say, then I’m less likely to put much thought into how I treat Marge. “She’s always so happy so there’s no need to see how she’s doing.”

This, of course, is terribly wrong. Marge and people like her – especially people who have gone out of their way to help you or to be a good friend or to be someone you can rely on – are actually the people you should be caring for the most. But we seem to be hardwired to spend more time investing ourselves in people who seem down or bitchy or otherwise stricken in some fashion, even though the promise of reward may not even exist. And even if it does, why are we chasing that instead of people who would genuinely appreciate it?

It seems counter-intuitive to want to be involved with people who do nothing for others, who spend their entire lives self-absorbed and without giving a shit about anyone else. And yet, we routinely do it. Meanwhile, people who actually care about us get taken for granted. We grow complacent with them and as a result, our relationships suffer.

Perhaps we feel like there’s no challenge to keeping a good friend and we grow bored. Or lazy. Or both. Perhaps we want to be rewarded with that ever-elusive thin smile we sometimes see break across the face of the person who never seems to care. Maybe it’s even because we feel like we can be the one to “change” that negative person into a happy one.

Whatever the reasons may be, taking some time to look at yourself and your relationships is never a bad idea. How have you acted this week? What’s weighing on your mind and how is that affecting your mood and the people around you? Are you so caught up in your own world that you fail to see that people are losing the desire to be around you? Are you taking people for granted who have always been there for you? Do people who used to hang on your every word now drift away when you’re around? Are you even paying attention to whether things have changed or not?

Because society rewards mediocrity instead of awesome, we’re used to having that level of behavior be deemed “acceptable.” In other words, our thinking sometimes goes like this: “I only have to exert this much effort in this relationship and it will be fine.”

Well, to quote George Carlin, “Hair is fine.” “Fine” is another one of those dull, boring words that fails to excite. And no relationship should ever be “fine.”

There’s also blowback on you when you try to give more and elevate your relationships. A lot of people resent “awesome” because it spotlights their own failings and insecurities and inabilities. Rather than realize that they too can be awesome, they’d rather remain “fine” and live a life of mediocrity. In their head, you being awesome forces them to realize they aren’t and shame on you for reminding them of that fact. Backwards for sure, but that’s what happens.

The point is this: we can continue to be fine and mediocre and live in a society where everyone gets rewarded for showing up instead of putting out 100% OR you can take some time each day or week and reflect on how you treat others, what you can do for others, and where you put your caring. Remind yourself that your mood and your behavior have a direct and often profound effect on your environment, your friends, and even your health. Examine your actions and see who you’ve mistreated or treated less than they deserve. Resolve to reach out and say hello. Send a text. Send a message and say hi.

We can’t simply roll through this world without giving a damn about others. Like it or not, we do actually rely on other people for more than we sometimes realize. Even the most hardened loner still needs people. Remind yourself to treat others better than you have been. Remember that we’re all on this planet together and we all have the ability to affect those around us.

If you do nothing else today, reach out to someone who has been kind to you in the past and say a simple, “thank you.” You might be surprised how good you feel for doing it and how that goodness becomes contagious.

And couldn’t the world use a lot more of that?