life thoughts

 by Jon F. Merz

Family Security

The news today out of Newtown, CT is horrible on so many levels. It’s hard to know how to even begin to fathom the evil that would rob innocent children of their lives. When my sons got out of school today, my wife and I were there to greet them, hug them, and then most importantly, sit down and talk about what happened.

I know a lot of parents think that shielding their children from atrocities like this are what they should do, but I happen to disagree. Children need to know that evil exists and it can strike anytime, any place, and it can happen to anyone. The better prepared they are, the better chance they have of surviving if (heaven forbid) they ever find themselves in a situation like what happened earlier today. Due to some personal messages I received after posting a status update to this effect, I have decided to elaborate on some ideas as a public service. I hope you find them helpful. These are things my wife and I discuss with our boys. You may want to do the same.

1. First, talk to them. Walk them through the tragedy so they understand. This is a delicate and difficult process. My wife and I were both tearing up as we talked with our sons today. But they should see that. Because they’re not parents, they don’t necessarily understand how much the thought of losing them hurts. Seeing your pain will help impress upon them how serious a matter this is. As you discuss the event, stop often and ask how they’re feeling and if they have questions. Kids need to know that evil exists – it’s not fearmongering or ruining their innocence; it’s better preparing them for the real world. Sadly, these are the times we live in. I’d rather have my children lose their innocence than lose their lives.

2. Teach them that their awareness is their single best defense. In today’s busy world, our kids often have their heads down or on other things aside from what’s happening around them. Because they may not yet be big enough to physically defend themselves, awareness is their best weapon. Practice exercises with them like asking them to recall what sort of car just drove by. What was the license plate of that car? What color sweater was that woman wearing on the train? Have them do the same to you. Make it a game, but at the same time make sure they understand how vital it is to be aware. Not sometimes. Not once in a while. But all the time.

3. Get them familiar with the sound of gunfire. Now before you all rush to your emails and send me nasty messages, hear me out. We live around the way from a gun club. The sound of gunfire is around us fairly constantly – especially on weekends. Each time we hear guns going off, we make sure the boys recognize it. We’ve driven them past the range so they can hear how loud it is up close and what it would sound like to be near a gun. What this does is prompt their subconscious to recognize gunfire and alert them if those sounds happen in a place where there shouldn’t be gunfire, i.e, a school or shopping plaza. Even an extra second or two is an advantage in a crisis situation.

4. Answer their questions honestly. If you don’t know the answer, tell them you will find out and get back to them, and then do it! We stressed that they should listen to their teachers today, but if they find themselves alone and unable to get back to the safety of their classroom or they are unable to flee to safety, that they should pretend it’s a game of hide-and-seek and they should try to find the best possible place to hide and then stay there until the police come.

5. Establish communication procedures. How will you get in contact with them and vice versa? Make sure they know that you will come for them and be able to communicate. My sons learned my cellphone number before they could say their address properly. Nowadays, they have multiple ways to get in touch with both my wife and me.

6. Make sure you prepare as a family. If you’re in a restaurant or movie theater, do you and your spouse have a plan for responding to a threat? My wife and I know exactly what our roles are in such an event. Evacuation of the kids and dealing with the threat are both parts of our plan. That may not be possible for you depending on whether you have training or not, but a clear evac route is necessary. Teach your kids to make a note of the exits whenever they enter a new place, restaurant, theater, etc.

These are just a few of the ways you can better prepare your children and your family for the possibility of a hostile event. I wish such things didn’t have to be discussed, but unfortunately, in today’s world they need to be.

I hope you’ll all join me in sending out thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, and positivity to those affected by this horrible tragedy. And please share this post if you think it will do some good.

Be well everyone.

in common sense / life thoughts 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

Evolution vs. Dogma in Martial Arts

By Jon F. Merz

I’ve been fortunate to train for over twenty years with Mark Davis of the Boston Martial Arts Center in Allston, MA. Back when I started training, there were only a handful of folks in the dojo (which at that time was held in parks across the city of Boston, in rented space in other dojo, etc.) and we were all very like-minded individuals. We’d all trained in other arts and styles and we all wanted the elusive teachings of the art of Ninjutsu. We would stop at nothing to get more information, to train harder, and to test ourselves as much as was possible in a variety of environments. The training back then was hard, most often painful, and bonds formed in the group as so often happens when under stressful situations. Back then, our Friday nights were usually three hours worth of hard training followed by a shared meal afterward where we would laugh and joke. We were all young; we all had little in the way of family obligations; and we all had an unquenchable thirst for training.

Times change. Nature changes. Life evolves.

The Grandmaster has said that our art evolves, that it is a living, breathing art. And after training for over twenty years, it’s easy to see that. The art changes with each new generation that is exposed to it – to meet the needs of that generation. It would be foolish to think that a student walking into the dojo today should be expected to train the way we did back then. My teacher has said that he didn’t know as much twenty years ago as he does now. His understanding of the art and the material has grown exponentially over the years. He no longer needs to rely on the brutality of only physical power to make the art work for him. And trust me when I say that his technique is far scarier and more elusive now than it has ever been. He is truly embodying what the Grandmaster expects of all practitioners.

Not everyone who practices or teaches martial arts feels that way, however. There are some who still cling to the old ways, boastfully proclaiming that theirs is the only right way to teach their style, that tradition is more important than anything else. I have to wonder whether that is because they simply are unable to allow their minds to evolve or because they know that they cannot understand higher level material and therefore feel safe within a certain comfort zone. I’ve certainly seen it in numerous styles: the practitioner cannot do a certain technique and rather than admitting as much, their ego demands they try to explain away the waza or revert to something they know they *are* capable of doing. Instead of learning, they never move out of their comfort zone.

I teach my sons various techniques from my art. But I’d be robbing them of their own personal experience and evolution if I demanded they train the way I did. That’s not putting my “students” first; it’s mindless bullying. Lectures about loyalty to some ideal, lectures about respect, all of those things are preaching a dogma rather than teaching an actual art. People who demand respect only gain scorn from those they bully. In the end, they drive away some students while find others who only reinforce their bad practices. These “followers” of this cult-like behavior form a protective bubble around their teacher, further reducing that teacher’s interaction with reality. Eventually, this cycle spins downward into oblivion and rather then up in steady progression. And the skills of all involved – the teacher and the students – diminish until they have a very scant arsenal. Had they recognized the need to always move out of their comfort zone, the vicious cycle would stop. With new learning comes new opportunity; with no learning only comes an eventual degradation of mind, body, and spirit.

Classic examples of dogma over evolution are senior students who bark orders at junior students, seniors who allow themselves to get lazy and out of shape and adopt a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do philosophy, and those who think they are beyond reproach or have nothing to learn from those junior to them in rank. Boastful proclamations of one’s ability or position with a dojo – especially those accompanied by threats – are sure signs that the teacher has fallen prey to his ego and no longer possesses the clear thinking that should be present whenever one assumes the mantle and responsibility of teacher.

And if students are getting hurt during training, that is frankly even worse. I’ve known some teachers who espoused such methods with haughty statements of, “Well, how else are they supposed to learn?” If a teacher has only injury to offer students as a means of showing them how to deal with the dangers of combat, then something is very wrong with that teacher. Had they evolved instead of staying rooted in dogma, they might have better techniques that are capable of conveying the duress of battle without the need to injure. After all, there are units in the military that quite effectively prepare people to face death and are able to do so without injuring their troops. If they can do it, then why can’t martial arts teachers?

As practitioners of martial arts, we are supposed to have flexible minds and attitudes that enable us to use whatever is at hand to make the best of a bad situation. But stating that things are the way they are because it’s always been that way is doing a huge disservice to students and teachers alike. Being able to flow effortlessly from one variable to another in the course of combat is a skill that begins to form very early on within students. Depriving them of that by clinging to the “old ways” or “the good ol’ days” is like clinging to an anchor amid a sea of your own ego.

Dogma is rigid and fixed in only the single perspective of one’s own egotistical certainty; evolution is a natural and organic free-flowing mindset. If you teach martial arts or train in martial arts, are you rooted in dogma?

Or are you evolving?

in common sense / life thoughts / martial arts / self protection / ninjutsu / Uncategorized 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

Sears: A Corporate & Consumer Failure

By Jon F. Merz

SCROLL DOWN TO SEE LATEST UPDATE!

Yesterday, my wife and I ventured to the Dedham, MA Sears store to purchase a new washer and dryer. Our current models both decided to need replacing at virtually the same time and since they’re about ten years old, we decided it was a good excuse to upgrade. We also bought a new stove. At the store, we worked with a great associate named Don, who was capable and friendly and made the shopping experience quick and seamless. When we explained to Don that we didn’t have a working washer & dryer at the moment and would therefore appreciate the fastest possible delivery of the replacements, he told us he would look up the delivery times and let us know. He came back and told us we would have our entire order today – October 31st. Needless to say, we were pleased, paid for the order and left the store assured that we would have a new setup today.

Yesterday at around 4pm, I got a call from an automated service telling me there was a delay in the delivery, but instead of telling me any more information, I was directed to call a number. This number turned out to be in the Philippines, judging by the accent of the woman I spoke to who informed me that delivery was now slated for November 4th. I told her that we would not have purchased the new appliances had we known delivery would take an extra five days. She then tried to call the warehouse, but got no answer. Then I got disconnected, which meant I had to repeat the entire process again. This time, the CSR suggested I call the Dedham store and ask if they had any stock they could ship to us instead.

Fine. I called the Dedham store and wound up speaking to an automated operator who apparently does not understand clear, concise English because I was shouting into the phone to things like “large appliances” and the always challenging “yes.” After trying to navigate that for a while, I finally reached someone human who told me to call back the Dedham store and press zero when the robot came on. I did. And promptly wound up at customer service at a national call center rather than the store itself. I once again explained the situation – stressing the importance of us getting our new washer & dryer. I was fine waiting for the new stove to be delivered. Ours works fine for the moment. But the new washer & dryer are sort of important when you have kids.

This time, the CSR told me that since we’d ordered in the store, she couldn’t actually see our order. That made no sense whatsoever. How can that be? Do Sears computers not synch to the same network? Don’t they “talk” to each other? She finally managed to locate my order and according to her, it was still scheduled for an October 31st delivery and that I should ignore the automated call that started this entire thing. She stressed that I would receive a call last evening giving me a delivery window for today and to call a certain number if I did not receive that call.

In the meantime, I took to Twitter and bitched directly at the Sears twitter account. I got an immediate response, but upon giving them my contact info, was told they’d get back to me in 24 hours. FAIL. If you don’t have someone manning your social media who can produce results for consumers, what the hell is the point? Lip service is a shoddy replacement for actual results.

And guess what – no call last night either.

So I called back, and for the third time found myself speaking to the Philippines. And once again, I was told that the delivery had been changed to November 4th. The CSR tried calling the warehouse and again, no one picked up the phone. I asked when the warehouse opened in the morning and she told me their hours are 9-5.

A few thing for the Sears Corporation to ponder:

1. Why, despite the fact that this was post-Sandy, did your computer systems not have updated delivery times? Or do you encourage store clerks to routinely lie about delivery times?
2. I’m in Massachusetts and we were not unduly affected by Sandy. I have to imagine that any appliance delivery is coming from a warehouse in Massachusetts – especially since I was told I’d have it the day after I bought it. In fact, a quick Internet search shows several that are fairly close to where I live. So given that Sandy didn’t swallow half our state, why is there a delivery delay? If I was in New Jersey, then this would certainly make sense. But I don’t think I would have gone shopping for appliances yesterday if I was!
3. Why was the CSR unable to locate my store order? That one still defies reason. If your computer systems aren’t synched, what century are you operating in? It shouldn’t matter where a consumer purchases your products, you should have a complete picture all the time. You might want to fix that.
4. Your warehouse apparently doesn’t believe in answering the phone. You might want to fix that.
5. The person manning your Twitter account has no apparent power to get results for aggrieved consumers. You might want to fix that.

We dropped about $2500 in your Dedham, MA store yesterday. That’s not an insignificant amount of money. And one would think that a large store like Sears would appreciate that large a purchase and make every attempt to make good on their promises. After all, it’s a pretty basic relationship: I give you money and you give me products. That’s how it works. It’s not: I give you money and then have to call the Philippines, get disconnected, deal with robot operators, try to understand your labyrinthine rationale behind your computer networks, get told conflicting things, and then take to the Internet to write a thousand-word blog post in the attempt to get said products delivered to my home.

Here’s the thing: it’s October 31st and I want my appliances. I want them today, when I was told they would be here. Your clerk made that promise; if your warehouse knew delivery times were going to be affected or delayed, they should have updated the system with those delays. Because frankly, telling me AFTER the purchase was made is bullshit.

My suggestion: get a call into your warehouse and get my delivery made today – as well as the deliveries for anyone else who was promised the same thing yesterday.

Good luck getting them to answer the phone.

BTW, I have around 50,000 followers on Twitter, over 2500 fans on Facebook, 4,000+ friends on my facebook profile, and a few thousand on my newsletter list.

And ALL of them are going to see this post.

(For my readers, if you’d like to help Sears understand the error of their ways, you can Tweet the following: “Sears: A Corporate & Consumer Failure http://bit.ly/VDe51r @searscares @sears Please RT!” and then encourage anyone else to do the same. Thank you!)

UPDATE: 31 OCTOBER 2012 14:34

So earlier today I received a voicemail from someone named Edwin in Texas at Sears, referring to the Tweet I’ve been blasting everywhere. After apologizing, he invited me to call him back at 888-572-8119 and if he was unavailable to leave a voicemail at extension 19. He also gave me the case number that has been assigned to me.

Soooo….I called. Turns out it’s not a direct line and you’re invited to enter an extension number in, so I put in “19.” There’s a series of beeps that sounds like you’re being transferred somewhere and then nothing but dead air. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I tried pressing buttons; I tried waiting for someone to pick up. But there’s nothing.

Disgusted, I hung up and called the actual number that Edwin had called me on earlier: 512-248-7700. When the line picks up, they ask you to say the name of the person you’re trying to reach. I said “Edwin.” That then transferred me to someone named “Ed,” who on his voicemail says, “If you’re looking for Edwin, I’m afraid you’ve dialed the wrong number.” But then he doesn’t tell you the right number. I called back and repeated Edwin’s name again only to hear there’s no one named Edwin at that location.

Then just now, as I’m typing this update, someone from Sears calls to tell me they need to delay delivery and can fit me in Saturday. When I ask where the shipment is coming from, they tell me Westwood, MA. I asked them why the warehouse hadn’t told the store there would be problems with delivery and they said that the system was updated last night. I told them that made no sense, since they should have immediately informed the stores yesterday morning that there might be delays.

So here we are: Sears may well be trying to make this matter right, but I have no way of knowing since their systems seem to be completely un-synched and no one is talking to anyone else. Westwood is a few miles from my home – I see no reason why they can’t get my delivery here on the day the store promised. If they can’t figure out their systems, that’s not my fault; it’s their problem.

Thoroughly and completely disgusted with such inept service.

in common sense / life thoughts / silly stuff 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

Birthday Thoughts

By Jon F. Merz

Today is my 43rd birthday. Sometimes that number seems far too high to be real. Sometimes, it seems far too low.

I’m sometimes asked about what the best birthday present I ever received was. It’s a tough question, because I’ve certainly gotten some enjoyable things over the years. But there is one time that stands out a bit more than the others, and I’d like to share that with you all today.

October has always been special to me. Not just because it’s my birthday month. I’ve loved Halloween and the crisp Fall days for as long as I can remember. Growing up, we always celebrated my father’s birthday (on the 21st) with mine over a nice small family dinner. Growing up I used to enjoy this because it felt like it brought my father and I closer together. We were the two last remaining Merz men – there was no one else. And, as my father often reminded me (usually when I’d just been shot down for a date, lol), “It’s all on you. If you don’t have a son, then our name dies with you.” Nice pressure for a fourteen year old who couldn’t score a date!

But it did feel like we were closer during October. Growing up, I was always in his shadow, until I learned how to step out from behind it and create my own path. There were times in my young life when my father felt like my biggest enemy in the world and his ideal felt impossible to live up to. He was both a superhero to me and at times impossible for me to understand. But no matter our differences, each October seemed to bring us back together. And I’m thankful that our birthdays were close together – I think it helped me understand the man he was as I grew up, and I hope it helped him understand the man I was becoming.

There was one October when I wasn’t home. I was in Basic Training at Lackland Air Force Base in lovely San Antonio, Texas. I’d left in late-August (I think – it’s been well over twenty years since those days) and I was scheduled to be at Lackland for a while still. Being in Basic meant that communication with home was severely limited. But as August and September fell by the wayside and October rolled in, with it came the usual feeling of happiness and excitement I always felt around that time of year.

But this October was also very different. This particular October was the first where I’d been away from home for a long time. I didn’t have my father or mother around as a base of support. I couldn’t simply go home. I was off on my own, in the care of my ever-lovin’ Uncle Sam. It was a scary, exciting time for me to be off spreading my wings and engaged in the challenge that is Basic Training.

And on one particular day that October – this particular day, in fact – I graduated Basic Training. October 24th, the United States Air Force deemed me worthy of graduating Basic Training and I pinned on my Airman First Class stripes and felt like I’d just completed a marathon. I remember walking to the pay phones near the dorms and making a phone call to my father. At that time of day, he was just starting his 4pm-12am shift at the hospital where he worked as the lab supervisor. And I will never forget the pride in my voice when I told him that I had just completed Basic Training. Nor will I ever forget the pride in his voice when he told me how very proud he was of me.

Something changed that day.

Perhaps for the first time, my father recognized that I was growing up. He’d been in the Air Force as well, and I think that the test of Basic Training was one he knew intimately well. Before I left, our relationship had been somewhat strained. When I returned home for the first time around Christmas that year, the hug he gave me was different. I wasn’t his little boy coming home from camp. I was his son, the one he’d tried to raise as best he could having lost his own father early in life, coming back a man.

In the years after, my father and I grew much closer than we had been. I have incredibly fond memories of sitting up late at night with him, drinking and laughing as we related stories of our own experiences. There weren’t many of those nights, because only a few short years after he would pass on. But there were enough. And they remain some of my most deeply-treasured memories.

The day I graduated Basic Training is still one the most precious gifts I’ve ever earned because with it came a newfound respect from my father. And that is something very special, indeed.

in life thoughts / Uncategorized 0 comments
 by Jon F. Merz

Badassery

By Jon F. Merz

Over this past weekend at the 15th and final New England Warrior Camp, I had the chance to talk to a lot of folks. Some of them I’ve known for many years and some are recent acquaintances. During one of the conversations with a more recent acquaintance, the subject of me doing the GORUCK Challenge came up. In one breath, this person said to me, “Dude, that’s very badass that you’re doing it.” And in the next breath, he asked, “Why?”

When I pressed him a little further, he said he understood that it was cool and everything, but given that I’ll be 43 years old this month (three days prior to GORUCK), he wanted to know why I am doing the Challenge now.

I get it.

Society has a tendency to condition you if you let it. Each and every day, we’re bombarded by sights, sounds, and ideals of how most people think we ought to live. And at 43, according to society, I should probably be approaching middle age with some degree of slowing down as my body gets older and my hair lightens a bit more. My boys aren’t babies anymore. I should be enjoying the middle stage of my life, with its somewhat relaxed pace, and possibly even start preparing myself for later life.

To hell with that.

My father passed when he was 48 years old. That’s five years from now. His father died at about the same age. To say that doesn’t weigh on my mind would be lying as badly as Romney. I think about it all the time. Now granted, both my father and grandfather were lifelong smokers (my father eventually quit after his first heart attack) and that no doubt played a major role in their deaths. I don’t smoke. And I exercise and try to take care of myself, within reason.

A lot of my contemporaries in the writing industry are within a few years of my age. In recent weeks, one of them has been operated on for an advanced brain tumor; two others have had heart attacks; and several others have pretty much openly stated that their forties are a real drag and added some incessant whining about various life factors that pretty much make me want to puke.

My view on life has always been that it shouldn’t be this bubble you live in, trying your damnedest to get to the end with an immaculate body. You need scars. You need danger. You need adrenaline. Why? Because those things – those instances when you push the envelope and put yourself into the crucible – they make you appreciate the treasures that you do have in your life. It’s in those moments – those spaces of time when you stand at the brink and literally stare down death, or injury, or your own previous preconceptions about what you could and could not do – that you see the flow of life as no one else does. In the blink of an eye, it’s over. But in the wake, you feel that pulse – that genuine flux of life and death twisting together, melting, melding into the vortex where your reality – your life – shines through without any distraction. In that instance, you see your soul naked and exposed in the brilliance of truth.

When my time comes – and there have been many times already when I thought I might be checking out – I don’t want to look back and think, “Well, that was safe.” I want to go out laughing at all the fun I had, all the love I experienced, all the pain, all the sadness, all the risk, all the failure, all the reward – everything. I want to do things – anything that piques my interest – at whatever age of life I happen to come across them. I don’t want to be hampered by what society thinks I should be doing. I want to do what I want to do.

Those who know me well, know that my general philosophy on life is this: train hard, fight hard, party hard.

The notion of “safe” for me is a death sentence. I tried “safe” up until I was about fifteen years old. Safe didn’t work for me. Safe didn’t prepare me for bullies or love or anything else it supposedly promised.

Risky, on the other hand, that was some serious fun. I’m not talking stupid (although I did enough of that as well – turns out Stupid is the delinquent step-brother of Risky – who knew?) but risk undertaken with intelligence.

That’s where I live.

So yes, I’ll be a 43 year old man doing the GORUCK Challenge. I’m sure there will be folks on the team half my age. I hope they have a blast. I did things like GORUCK back then as well and I enjoyed the suck. For me, doing the Challenge isn’t about having some midlife crisis; if I didn’t do the Challenge and resigned myself to some lazy ideal of a gradually slowing down lifestyle, THAT would be a midlife crisis for me.

Let others allow the onslaught of time to wear them down and pigeonhole them into some lackadaisical shuffleboard experience. For me, the future isn’t about scaling back – it’s about warp speed toward more challenges, more excitement, more fun.

Is that badassery? It might be. I don’t really care.

To me, it’s life.

in common sense / goodlivin' / goruck / health / life thoughts / martial arts / self protection / ninjutsu / Uncategorized / warriorship 0 comments