The Celebration of Shitheads

“I’d rather go down the river with seven studs than a hundred shitheads.” – Colonel Charles “Chargin’ Charlie” Beckwith, Founder of 1 SOFD-Delta (Delta Force)

Staying motivated is a challenge. Not always, but definitely sometimes. I don’t care how Alpha you are, there will be times when your motivation is lagging or lacking entirely. It’s not an easy thing to always maintain. And I’ve written previously on The Myth of Motivation as always being something that comes from positivity; it definitely does not. And there will be times when you have to use the negative to drive you further than you thought possible. There’s nothing wrong with that provided it doesn’t become your sole motivator.

But keeping yourself motivated becomes exponentially harder when you see what I like to call the “celebration of shitheads” happening around you. You’ll see this all the time: people who are, objectively speaking operating at a C- level, getting praised because they momentarily put forth the effort of a C instead of their usual C-. You’ll see family, friends, work colleagues, peers, and the like all going out of their way to praise them. Meanwhile you might be cruising along putting out the effort that is typical for you – somewhere in the A range – and no one shows up to say “good job,” or offer a pat on the back of encouragement.

The problem with being a “stud” rather than a “shithead” is that people take it for granted. They see your general level of badassery as a constant and it tends to fade into the background like white noise. As such, it doesn’t seem special any longer; it just seems normal. After all, when you operate near the top, there’s only so much further you can go and even then, it doesn’t look all that different.

Conversely, people see the C- level from the “shitheads” so often that when they put forth a little more effort, it’s a complete and total shock that somehow becomes worthy of praise because it’s so out of the ordinary. That’s why you see people falling all over themselves to heap praise upon mediocre people who did a little something extra. Whereas they tend to ignore the strong people who are continuing to crush life at the same level of badassery they always exert because it’s not new, it’s not different.

“Of course they’re achieving more stuff. That’s what they always do.”

Which, when you think about it, is an utterly ridiculous way to approach life. We shouldn’t be celebrating shitheads; we should be celebrating studs. We shouldn’t be aspiring to mediocrity; we ought to be aspiring to excellence.

But it doesn’t work that way.

And trust me: I’ve seen this happen in pretty much every environment and place you can imagine. I’ve had teachers who would spend all their time trying to boost up mediocre students who floated into class once in a blue moon while they would completely ignore the students who were there all the time putting out maximum effort. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to better a student you feel you can help, there comes a point when ignoring those who gave it their all becomes detrimental. And often, it meant that student would simply shrug and go elsewhere because they weren’t getting any attention from their teacher.

The same thing happens with family and friends. If people believe you are strong, they won’t bother to check on you. “Oh he’s fine, nothing ever shakes him or her.” Which again, is a stupid and dumb way to think. It is often the strongest that need checking in the most; and it is often the simple word of praise that makes the day of even the toughest sonuvabitch you might know.

The fact is, the majority of praise being heaped on the C- is coming from people who are, at best, mediocre themselves. Their praise serves two purposes: to validate their own belief that mediocrity is good enough, and to reward the fellow C- that they’re doing just enough and no more.

It becomes even worse when you see people being praised that you know are evil and manipulative and yet their victims continue to fall for their bullshit. People are woefully easy to manipulate – as any cruise through your Facebook newsfeed will show with its over-abundance of false memes and outrageous lies than can be fact-checked within 20 seconds on Google – and watching them fall prey once more to the same old tactics can make you question your own standards and beliefs. Maybe you’re being too much, too awesome, too exacting, too whatever; maybe you should throttle back and operate at a level that makes others comfortable.

The hell with that.

Your standards are exactly what keep you from becoming a C- in the first place. You’re not here to live your life to make others comfortable; you’re here to learn and grow and excel and evolve and succeed and help others along the way. You can’t fulfill your potential worrying about whether a mediocre person praises you or not; you can’t meet your destiny if you’re worried about others being uncomfortable because you don’t fit their definition or have some type of convenient label they can classify you as.

So hold onto your standards. Keep them high and exacting because far too many do not. Beckwith’s quote from above is worth remembering during those trying times when you question yourself and your motivation. Hold yourself to the standard of excellence and you will never falter in the face of adversity and challenge. And if you know someone who operates at the level you do, don’t forget to check in on them from time-to-time.

Remember: it is always better to be a stud than a shithead.

Regardless of whether it gets celebrated or not.

“That was shit. Do it again.”

I wrote my first novel around 1996.

It sucked.

Of course, I didn’t know how badly it sucked. But I was fortunate enough to find a literary agent who was opening her own shop and agreed to take a look at my manuscript. I sent it off, convinced that it was utterly amazing, and anxiously awaited her response.

When it came, I was surprised to find that she had sent the manuscript back instead of just sending me a letter proclaiming my thriller was the best thing she’d read in ages and was anxious to sell it for millions.

I took my manuscript out of its box and looked at it. Each and every single page bled red ink. She had gone through the entire manuscript – the entire fucking thing – and torn it apart. Comments were scrawled over every page. And they were harsh. “Who says something this stupid?” in reference to a line of dialogue. “I don’t believe his motivations.” “This is laughably absurd.” “Are you kidding me with this comment?” “The pacing sucks here.” And on it went. Each and every page of my thriller was ripped apart, torn asunder, and scorched with critique. I was momentarily devastated. I’d worked hard on that thriller. For the last several years I’d carefully pecked away at it, crafting what I thought was a contemporary storyline with compelling characters, taut pacing, and devilish dialogue.

But it wasn’t. It was an amateurish outing by a new wanna-be author and it was full of shortcomings and faults and every sort of cliche that springs forth when someone talks about wanting to be a writer. Tons of passive voice, tons of speech tags, tons of adverbs, tons of…well, garbage.

I could have sat and cried about it; I could have wallowed in the assault to my ego; I could have very easily given up and decided that being a writer wasn’t for me. I could have done all of those things because that’s exactly what many people do when they’re faced with criticism. They take it personally.

But there was nothing about the agent’s critique of my manuscript that was personal. She’d simply read it with the eye of a seasoned professional who had seen all of the problems many times before and because she was actually a pretty awesome person, she’d done me the great service of pointing out exactly how bad my work was.

I was fortunate that I’d been subjecting myself to harsh criticism for years at that point. My mentor back in the late 80s, a grizzled old Korean War veteran of special operations, had taught me any number of things and his usual response whenever I tried to do them was along the lines of “That was shit. Do it again.” And I would. Over and over again until I showed proficiency that was up to his standard. In the military, it was never enough to do the bare minimum; they expected more. Always more. What was good enough yesterday wasn’t good enough today. “Do better.” And in martial arts, I was repeatedly critiqued because my teacher was testing my ego and seeing where I had openings in my armor – not just physically, but mentally and spiritually – that an opponent could use against me. One of my key faults back then was not keeping my guard up enough, so after every class I attended (usually 4-5 times each week) I was put into a corner, given a motorcycle helmet to wear and then forced to stay there in a defensive posture while my seniors took turns wailing punches at my head until I learned how to keep my guard up and stay cool under pressure. It was not a quick process and I went through it for the better part of a year (may have been a little less than that, I can’t actually remember lol).

Because harsh criticism was nothing new to me, I was able to process what the literary agent had done for me. And instead of viewing it as an attack, I saw it for what it was: an opportunity to grow and get better at this thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Exactly the same as the other things I’d been learning: whether it was shaving seconds off a forced march time, or learning how to surveil someone, or execute ganseki nage (A technique: “throwing a big rock” – Ninjutsu), there was always room for improvement, always room to learn new things, and as a result: grow and get better at whatever activity it was.

And so, I set about rewriting that novel that had been so blown apart with detailed critiques. And in the process of doing so, I came across a very faint line that that same agent had written on the very back page in a weird place. I wouldn’t have ever seen it if I’d given up and stopped writing, or dismissed her advice as garbage because I was too full of myself. The note was simple: “If you made it this far, send it back to me.”

I remember chuckling to myself when I found that note. She’d seen enough wanna-be writers in her time to know that the chances that I would toss the manuscript and her advice in the trash were higher than the chances that I’d take her advice to heart, rewrite and improve the manuscript and finally see her note. But I was stubborn enough to take her advice and apply it because I really wanted to be a writer; just like I really wanted every other activity that was tough to achieve.

I won’t sit here and tell you that critique doesn’t hurt. Of course it does. Your ego is in place to protect you in a lot of ways; but it’s also a double-edged sword. That same ego that seeks to protect, can inhibit your growth and cause you to miss out on opportunities because you’re so busy being defensive and insisting there’s nothing wrong or that mistakes weren’t made or that you know better than everyone else. You’ve decided to take it personally when it’s not.

Not everyone responds to harsh criticism well; but over the years I’ve found that I enjoy working with people who have been through some variation of harsh criticism and know how to deal with it without getting their ego bent out of shape. They take pride in their work and see critiques and criticism as a way to improve and get better so they can enjoy that sense of pride that comes from putting forth your very best. And more often than not these days, I find myself gravitating to people who understand the notion that good enough never is. It’s not good enough; and if you say that then it’s probably not good at all: it’s shit.

This runs counter to a lot of what society tells us; that no one cares, that you don’t have to bleed for your craft, that no one else is working this hard so you should just say “fine” and be done with it.

That’s exactly why we have so many unchecked egos running around these days; that’s why there’s so much garbage out there; that’s why our personal relationships with people suffer as much as they do – because the majority of people will veer toward mediocrity instead of excellence. Mediocrity is easier. Excellence is hard. Effort is hard after a long day at work when all you want to do is crash on the couch and drink yourself silly.

Excellence and the sense of pride that comes with it is its own best reward; when you know that you’ve given every full measure of yourself and spent every last bit in pursuit of achievement there is a true sense of contentment.

Critiques are a challenge to be sure. But without challenge, there is no growth.

And without growth, there is no life.

Who Dares Lives.

PS: This story doesn’t necessarily have a happy ending, depending which way you choose to look at it. I did indeed send that manuscript back to that agent; but at that point she’d made the decision to only focus on nonfiction projects. She wrote me a very nice letter back telling me how happy she was that I’d taken her advice to heart and that the manuscript was much better. “It still needs work,” she concluded. “But the fact that you were willing to put in this much effort tells me that you will eventually succeed – even without me representing you.” And fifty novels later, she was right.

The Danger of Hyperbole & Trump’s Criminality

So yesterday, Donald Trump used the word “lynching” to describe the completely legal procedure of impeachment that is now taking place in the House of Representatives. As is the norm with Trump, the use of hyperbole has been a constant since he announced his run for the White House. Everything is at the extreme when it comes to his word choices (that is, those words that aren’t some bizarre aberration of English like “hamberder” and “covefe”) Hyperbole, in Trump’s case, has largely been attributed to his personality. As a real estate “developer,” he was known for using extreme verbiage to describe his projects and ventures and ratings and pretty much every aspect of his life, usually without having anything near factual to back it up.

But is the use of hyperbole simply the mechanics of a narcissist? Or is there something more to the habit than is recognizable through a superficial examination only?

Hyperbole as defined is a statement that uses extreme exaggeration to make a point or show emphasis. Claims like “I only hire the best and the brightest,” “I’m a very stable genius,” and negative statements about his foes along the lines of “everything is a disaster,” or “shithole countries,” or “crime-infested cities,” are just a few of the many times that Trump uses this tactic. The frequent use of hyperbole is an interesting way to phrase things because it projects certain assumptions on the part of the target audience. “I’m a very stable genius,” for example, presupposes that anyone else – or in this case a political opponent – is not that smart at all. A “crime-infested city” represented by a Democrat presupposes that a city represented by a Republican is the opposite. In other words, even when the fact do not support the hyperbole, the presupposition of the comment sneaks into the subconscious minds of those who are susceptible to it in the first place, and acts as a reinforcement for exactly what Trump wants to instill there.

Worse, there is yet another aspect to hyperbole that makes it even more nefarious: when everything is hyperbole, nothing is. In other words, when Trump chooses to use the word “lynching” to describe the impeachment process – that is, taking an extremely horrific act and placing it on the same level as a legal proceeding – he is effectively reducing the criminality of his actions in the minds of his supporters. How? By equating impeachment with lynching, Trump pairs an extreme with a non-extreme, to the point that everything becomes an extreme, which then nullifies that extremity itself. When everything is awful or terrible or horrific then everything becomes that. So obstruction of justice becomes collusion become quid-pro-quo becomes witch hunt becomes treason becomes whistle blower becomes porn star payoffs becomes…

When everything is on the same level, there is no longer anything egregious; there is no longer any sort of extreme. In the minds of those this tactic works on, there’s no breaking point, no red line that shouldn’t be crossed. If all of his crimes aren’t even seen as crimes but as simply acts of a president, then where is the criminality? Where is the outrage? There is none because Trump has effectively leveled all of his criminal acts such that no ONE act stands out as particularly awful. No ONE act stands out as the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back. He has effectively reduced his crimes to the point that everything looks like “just another part of this witch hunt.” And his supporters will insist he did nothing wrong, that this is all a scheme cooked up by the Deep State or the Democrats or the Clintons.

Trump uses hyperbole often in grandiose terms, but his overall strategy may be far more insidious than simple narcissistic projection. He is effectively reducing the impact of each and every new revelation that comes out about his criminality to the point that, in the minds of his supporters, those acts simply no longer register. And if they do, they aren’t worth prosecuting because no ONE act is worse than the other. The appearance is that they are all the acts of a president engaged in the business of the Oval Office while being pursued by Democrats who haven’t gotten over the fact that Hillary lost in 2016.

So as egregious and nauseating as Trump’s use of “lynching” was yesterday, the act wasn’t merely that of a deranged narcissist playing the victim card; there is more to what he does than meets the eye. Watch when he uses hyperbole in the future as a way of framing things, because there’s usually a point to it. Even if it’s not immediately identifiable.

 

Cartoon by Jerry Holbert all rights reserved

The Company You Keep: How The Wrong Community Can Hinder Your Success

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

We’ve all seen this one before, right? It’s a popular meme that makes the rounds on the Internet from time to time, usually in the company of another popular term “community.” Community is a constantly touted ideal that promises to help you reach success or feel a sense of companionship or simply feel some level of support for whatever it is you’re going through. Whether it’s fitness: “I do Maxfit and I just love the community of other people who do the workouts with me,” or hobbies, “Did you know that the People Who Write Sumerian Love Sonnets Community now boasts a global membership of 7?” or even our health, “I’m a member of the Ruptured Toe Nail Survivors,” saying we’re a part of a community not only makes us feel better, but also validates us in some powerful ways. When we do things that others do, it reinforces this notion that we’re on the right track. If others are doing it, then there’s approval built in – we find strength in numbers, camaraderie in shared experience, and positive feedback from those within the community we’re a part of.  Community – if the hype is to be believed – is the surest path to all the success and happiness we could ever hope to achieve.

Except it’s not.

I’ve been part of a number of communities over the years. And I’ve seen the difference between “real” communities and the ones that claim to be, but in fact are not. Let’s look at the reason why and then examine why community is often just another marketing ploy.

The biggest difference has to do with how you become a member of a particular community.

In the military, for example, elite special operations units are not open to everyone. There is an intense selection process that candidates must go through where they endure harsh training, serious adversity, and more as they attempt to prove their competency and ability to be part of the special operations community. Selection is a lengthy process where lesser candidates, for one reason or another, are weeded out until only the most suitable are left and selected to join whichever unit they aspire to be part of. Along the way, they have shed gallons of sweat, tears, and often blood to prove their worth. And when they join their particular unit, they are in the company of others who have gone through an almost identical baptismal process. In other words, the company they keep has undergone exactly what they went through. There’s an inherent understanding and bond created in Selection that all members of that particular community share.

I saw this same process when I was aspiring to earn my place in the advanced class at the Ninjutsu dojo I attend. The Friday night advanced training was only open to practitioners of a certain rank and in order to gain entrance, you had to undergo a severe test of endurance, mental fortitude, and physical techniques. In many ways, it was a virtual gauntlet. When you earned your place in the advanced class, you were in the company of others who had been tested in the same crucible. And there is nothing like shared misery to create a true bond.

Contrast this with how most people gain acceptance into a community these days. Let’s take the fitness world as a model. A current popular high intensity interval training (HIIT) fitness craze touts its “community” as one of the most appealing features. The marketing behind it espouses working out with likeminded individuals who help cheer you on to reach your goals and success. Well, I was part of that craze and saw firsthand why their notion of community is mostly a fallacy. The primary reason is that anyone can join it if you have the money to do so.

Buying your way into a community immediately discounts its efficacy at generating success. Primarily because if anyone can join the community, then you are not going to be surrounded by people who operate at the same level you do – they may not “want it” as badly as you do. Worse, your aspirations may cause some other members to resent you.

When I joined the new gym in town, it was wonderful…for a certain period of time. Then, when the novelty wore off and a certain caliber of people started attending, the standards fell into the realm of mediocrity. Workouts became less grueling because people complained that they were too hard (despite the fact that anyone could scale the workouts to suit their individual fitness levels). Exercise standards were revised to accommodate whiny members who couldn’t do basic movements. And a whole new group of toxic personalities started infecting the place. Gradually, anyone who aspired to be better was generally seen as a threat by the growing majority of people who were content with “good enough,” and cheating their way through a workout.

If you are intent on being successful (as opposed to just seeking support, fun, and/or some companionship), joining a community where anyone can be a member is not where you want to be. In fact, being part of such a place can work directly against your stated goals. There will undoubtedly be people there who are intimidated by your drive, or who subtly try to sabotage your success with side-eye comments like, “why would you do that? You’re crazy.” These are usually the people who complain about silly stuff and say dumb things like, “well this is as good as it’s going to get.”

Success is hard enough to achieve without being hated for your aspirations and individuality, envied for your successes to-date, or sabotaged by those who revel in watching your downfall. The notion of community is a dangerous one if you aren’t on your guard for the mediocre masses who inhabit communities that do not have gate keepers built into their model. While it’s a wonderful thing to be all-inclusive, that same model runs counter to being able to achieve all the success you aspire to.

The term “community” has also become a marketing tool (at least in certain fields) used to drive new recruits into the fold. And communities reinforce this notion of people needing a support system because it’s in their own best interests to do so; it furthers that community’s very existence. In effect, they need you more than you need them. As an established member or someone advanced within their ranks, the community can point to you as proof of its own efficacy at producing success.

Another inherent danger of community is rampant group-think. Any community will have a set of standards – vocalized, implied, written down, or not – that members are expected to follow. You may not have given it much thought, you may not even have noticed it much, but they are there. You’ll start to notice if you do anything that runs counter to the majority group-think. In this way, communities have the potential to become excessively cult-like, complete with idol worship, gossip, and a whole series of toxic aspects that can seriously damage your quest for greatness. Of course, members of the community will deny such things until they’re red in the face, but that’s only because they’re too close to see the truth.

And the truth is that a community without gate keepers can produce some measure of success. But it will eventually hinder your progress – especially if it’s populated by people who actually do not want the best for you but are instead wishing for your failure because that is a reinforcement of their own self-imposed limitations. “See? I told you it was crazy to do that.”  In that case, a community that seemed so wonderful, ends up being a virtual prison. Worse, the toxicity will harm your body, mind, and spirit resulting in a failure to achieve your goals and a tendency to question yourself and your motivation – exactly the antithesis of success.

Unless your community has exacting standards and all members are of a similar mindset, your quest for success and excellence will falter. You’ll be better off on your own than you would be in the company of lesser individuals not as focused as yourself. Beware of “communities” that boast they’re the backbone of a movement or location. Outside of the military (and some others with exacting standards imposed prior to admission), the chances of you finding a true success-oriented community of like-minded alphas all on the same trajectory toward greatness are slim. More likely, you may find a few members of that caliber, but they will be greatly outnumbered by those members who have adopted mediocrity, rather than excellence, as the acceptable outcome of their endeavors.

And you are, most definitely, better off without them in your life.

The Blog Relaunches!

Well, it’s been a couple of years since I posted out here in my blog, but I’m bringing it back. Given how restrictive Facebook and its algorithms have become in what they show to people who happen to like my page, or interact with me, the importance of this website has skyrocketed. From now on, lengthy posts will be published here and then shared elsewhere on social media.

What’s new? Take a look at everything happening right now…

1. DEAD DROP PODCAST: I started this podcast two weeks ago and I’m loving it. It’s a weekly update show, so to speak, about everything and anything that is happening in my professional life. I talk primarily about my acting, writing, and producing (see below) and share anecdotes and stories that I hope will help those who may be curious about any of those three topics. You can listen to the podcast on 7 platforms right now including Spotify and Google. Check out the homepage for the podcast here: http://anchor.fm and if you like it, become a supporter so I can make more episodes!

2. PATREON PAGE: I held out actually doing this but then Patreon decided to change rates and their processing so I had a deadline and launched it. It’s a cool way for me to share things that don’t normally get shared with people who want to support me, offer rewards, and more. If you’re a fan of my writing and my other work, swing by and think about becoming a supporter.

3. PAPERBACKS! Yes, I am finally getting Lawson into paperback! It’s been a long time coming but the new paperbacks are pretty gorgeous. I’m working to get them all available for sale, but the first ten adventures currently are, so grab them. Also, I will begin selling autographed versions through this website very soon (like, probably this week.)

4. POUNDCAKE: This is the new production company I’ve launched with my friends Branden James Maxham and Christopher Grace. They’re both incredibly talented individuals and I’m thrilled to be working with them. If you haven’t seen the official website then check it out here: http://poundcakeyum.com and be sure to follow us on Instagram as well @poundcakeyum There are a ton of cool projects being developed as we speak!

5. PINTEREST: Still figuring this platform out, but there ya go. I’m over there, so if you are, too, come by and give us a follow.

6. MERZENARIES: The forum here on this website is going to be a lot more active, so if you’ve ever bought anything here on the site, you’re automatically registered, just log in normally and you’re all set. And if you haven’t yet bought anything, register for the forum and you’ll be able to shop later when I open up the new autographed paperback section.

7. MOI: This is the name of the new non-fiction book I’m working hard to finish in time for the Fall. It’s filled with a whole lot of…well, let’s just say “unorthodox” information that a lot of folks might really dig being exposed to. Keep an eye out for updates. And I’m releasing some of it over on my Patreon page exclusively for supporters.

Remember: to get the latest news, get the DEAD DROP podcast!