Nervous Thursday

So my youngest son goes into the hospital tomorrow and I’m nervous.

Now, this isn’t something serious (thank god), but he does need to go under general anesthesia. I’m not nervous about the procedure itself, because it’s pretty minor. But I’m nervous because this is the first time he’s going to have to deal with being scared of something he’s got to go through. In other words, mom and dad can’t handle it for him.

I’ve often told people that when I was younger, I thought I knew what fear was. I’ve been in plenty of bad situations and have gone through many encounters and met plenty of bad folks along the way that pretty much gave me a fairly good idea of what fear was and how to best handle it. Well, I also tell people that I was wrong to define it only based on myself. Because as soon as I became a parent, fear took on a whole new meaning. Any parent will tell you that there’s nothing quite so scary as suddenly realizing that your children will have to go through their own bad times and face their own forms of evil…without you around to rely on. The best any parent can do is to try to prepare their children as well as they know how and hope for the best.

So tomorrow’s one of “those times.” My wife and I have tried to make it fun for him, but I know that when he wakes up tomorrow and we drive in to Children’s Hospital, the poor little guy will have that gnawing fear in the pit of his stomach. It’s a feeling I know all too well. My little man is going to have to take a deep breath and walk through it.

I’ll be taking my own deep breath as well. Probably a lot of them.

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  • Laura Renegar July 22, 2009  

    Sending a prayer your way.

  • soesposito July 22, 2009  

    Our bodies supposedly can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement. So, just tell yourself he’s excited about the new adventure. You’re right though, our children going through something scary alone is one of the worst feelings in the world.
    Best of luck tomorrow, hope things go perfectly…maybe icecream would help.


  • jonfmerz July 22, 2009  

    Thanks Laura!

    Good point, Shannon, thanks! And yes ice cream for him. A stiff drink for me, lol!

  • Elen Grey July 22, 2009  

    I so identify with this post. Sending good thoughts your son’s way. He’ll be a trouper, I’m sure. He has you as an example. All best.

  • BCB July 22, 2009  

    It’s SO much worse for you than it is for them. And they take their cue from you about how scary it is. If you’re calm and confident, then so are they. Really. So be cool.

    Just wait until he turns 16 and has a driver’s license and you get that inevitable late night phone call and hear his shaky vulnerable five-year-old voice saying there’s been an accident. There is no preparation in the world adequate to deal with that fear.

    Wishing you and your son all the best tomorrow. You all will be fine. Live to fear another day.

  • jonfmerz July 22, 2009  

    Thanks Elen!

    BCB – too true my friend! And thanks for chiming in!

  • Amy Robertson July 22, 2009  

    Be sure and post once everything is all clear! I know I’ll be thinking of you – all parents will!

  • cassandra July 22, 2009  

    ‘course you know this but – the more relaxed you are . . .

    also, i don’t know if they will give you the option but my son had surgery when he was a year old and they let me hold him while they put him under the anaesthetic. it was absolutely horrible for me but i believe it helped him.

    prayers and light to the whole family

  • Julie Petrillo Figueroa July 22, 2009  

    Prayers & best wishes to your little guy, you & your family.

    I remember when my oldest had to go under general anesthesia … my husband and I were absolute wrecks – just not in front of him. Believe me when I say, we are SO much more frightened than they are. BCB is SO right about them taking their cues from us. Stay the course, have faith & know that there are so many of us sending good wishes, prayers & support your way.

    I hear nothing but AMAZING things about BCH. And the folks who work in pediatric surgery units really know children, and understand how to put them at ease with what’s happening. Hang in there, and please, after you’ve been there for your son & with your family through it all, keep us posted.

    Thinking of you all.

  • Bailey Hunter July 22, 2009  

    I know this, as many parents do. One of my sons had his appendix out and it was tough to be strong for him and remind myself that it wasn’t that bad. Part of being a parent is carrying the fear for our little ones (who will ALWAYS be our little ones). I don’t think it ever stops. I wish you both a smooth sailing and a speedy recovery. And yes – Ice cream!

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